The importance of the Role of a Mother in a child’s life

“The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.” – William Ross Wallace (Classic poem, What rules the world?)

When I was just 14 years old, I first heard these words by the poet, William Wallace.  These words rang out through the assembly that morning at high school. It was our head master, Mr Van Der Walt, who spoke them. I sat there pondering on these words, wondering what they meant. Many years later and much wiser, I realised exactly what they meant. A woman has been given by God a very important role of being a wife first and then a mother to her children. The role of a mother has a long lasting impact on her children and their future.

A mother plays multiple roles in a child’s life such as bonding, loving attachment, a safe haven, nurturer, compassion, empathy, carer, teacher and nurse. Children learn through imitation. They model their mothers and this is where behaviour and patterns develop. In early childhood the development of a child depends on their surroundings and the people around them. (Imitation) This is the child’s window of learning which will impact their growing years.

The moment a child is conceived. A new little human is made. It is in a mother’s body that this beautiful baby will be safe and secure as it grows and develops over the next 9 months. This is the depth of the responsibility of being a mother. A mother and child are thus connected, before birth. Mothers are aware of the sensations, cravings and movements of her growing unborn child inside her womb. She is very aware of her feelings for this unborn child she has yet to hold. The birth of a child has its own risks and complications to both a mother and unborn child.

It is a mothers bonding that a baby and toddler require in the first 3 years of life. This bonding between mother and child brings sensitive empathy and nurturing. A mother through bonding and attachment, once more provides a safe haven and security for her vulnerable baby in the world.

The mother is her child’s first teacher. It is through meaningful interaction and human touch through affection, hugs, kisses and kind words that a child learns acceptance and love. This meaningful interaction establishes confidence, ability, self assurance and empathy. A mother through words and actions, aid a child’s development on a cognitive, physical, emotional and social level. The child is constantly learning through the mother’s example. A mother teaches us to be confident and believe in ourselves.

A mother is also a manager for the family household duties and responsibilities. It is a mother who creates the home with atmosphere. It is her responsibility to manage the budget and to make sure all the needs of her family are met. She is also the chef providing healthy meals for her family and the nurse when illness or injuries occur.

In William Ross Wallace classic poem it illustrates the influence a mother has on her child and in the long run on society. When a mother strives to nurture and teach her child she makes the world a better place. God gives mothers understanding to know what is right for her child’s gifts and abilities. She needs to make sure they develop as God intended.

Mothers teach us about God. Our mothers show us the value of God’s word through their life. They show us personal prayer and dependence upon God’s strength and wisdom. Mothers sow, beautiful seeds of truth, wisdom, joy and peace.

A mother’s sensitive and appropriate response to their child’s needs is the foundation of a child’s personality and relations to others. Research has found that the more secure the bond with their mother the greater the feelings of safety and confidence. It is through the mothers teaching that a child’s ability, self reliance, social competence, emotional stability and the ability to nurture relationships with others develops. The strong maternal bond helps kids become more confident and competent at school. They are self starters and need less prompting to get things done. They cope easier with change and have better social skills with peers. They demonstrate a better understanding of other children’s emotions.

A mother teaches their girls:

A mother teaches girls about their value, worth and having good values. A girl catches the first glimpse of herself in the mirror that is her mother’s face. If her mother is loving and attuned the girl is securely attached. She learns she is loved and loveable. This sense of being loveable, worthy of affection and attention of being seen and heard becomes the bedrock on which she builds her earliest sense of self and provides the energy for its growth.

Mothers teach their girls to be confident. Mothers share love and compassion.

Mothers teach their daughters how to be mothers and home makers.

 A mother teaches their boys:

The mother is usually the first woman that a little boy loves and wholly cares about.

A lack of a mother figure can lead to a string of failed relationships and a higher chance of the boy ending up alone.

A mother provides companionship and encouragement until he is old enough to move on.

Boys who share a strong relationship with their mothers usually end up softer and more compassionate with the women in their lives, but never less are manly.

Boys growing up without a mother, often lack the feminine influence which becomes essential later on in life.

How the absence of a mother affects a child.

The absence of a mother in a child’s life is impacted by the early maternal bond, the child’s age, gender and strength of other family relationships. If the bond between mother and child was strong, the effects will be more severe, when the mother is no longer there.

Children will have trouble with trust issues. A fear of bonding with adults in case they abandon them.

The absence of a mother has a more profound effect on adult relationships with everyone.

There will be feelings of shame, unlovable or worthy of love which leads to a lack of confidence.

Adolescent years can bring unhealthy activities such as promiscuity, criminal behaviour, emotional, problems and anti social behaviour in an attempt to find love, acceptance and security.

The mother that is present but is emotionally absent:

A mother can be present but is emotionally absent in that she remains physically close to her child but she may be unloving, controlling, hypercritical or cruel.

A girl whose mother with holds love may suffer from low self esteem, trust issues and boundary issues as well as difficulty forming healthy adult relationships.

How to help children, where the mother figure is absent:

Be their mother figure. This is not easy but a father can fulfil this role, with tact understanding and affection which is crucial.

Find a substitute with the help, grandmother, aunt, other woman figures in the family, caregivers, teachers and helpers.  You will be able to find someone to take on the role of a maternal figure. It is important not to force relationships but let them grow gradually to form a bond based on trust and love.

Explain the situation to a child when they are able to understand. Tell them the truth. Tell your child why it is that their mother is not in their life because sooner or later they will need to know.

If the mother of the child is not completely absent quality of shared time is far more important than the amount of time spent together.

In closing, being a mother to our children is the greatest gift we can give them as it will impact their lives in so many ways in the future. Being a mother to children who are motherless is also a great gift to our world and will have a rippling effect in our world and a better future for all generations.

I now understand those important words of the poet, William Ross Wallace.

“The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.”

Further reading:

“Being there why prioritizing motherhood in the first 3 years matters” – Erica Komisar (Licenced Clinical Social worker)

“Effects of absent mother figure” – Peter K. Gerlach (MD Social work)